For three decades, Prof. Haim Omer has presented to the community of therapists the essential dilemma facing parents and teachers seeking to establish their authority: The old authority model, based on commanding fear and achieving forced obedience, is no longer compatible with modern values such as respect for the child's privacy, independence, and autonomy. On the other hand, one-dimensional adherence, coupled with the lack of alternative tools for establishing parental responsibility and control, tends to lead some children and adolescents into complex situations characterized by inconsiderate and unempathetic behaviors, to violent and problematic behaviors that impair their functioning and even endanger them.

Parents come to consult with professionals about a variety of problems that seem difficult and insoluble: a child who refuses to go to school, a girl who curses and hits her parents, a teenager with drug problems, a teenager who frequently threatens suicide if her wishes are not met.

In dealing with these situations, Prof. Omer suggests establishing 'parental authority' as an anchor that relies on possession and love along with tools for taking responsibility and managing the situation. This authority is based on the assumption that the role of the authority figure (parent, teacher) is to create an anchor of security that will allow for the preservation of the child's dignity as well as the parent's dignity (which are intertwined), but also on the child's or adolescent's development and proper functioning. The new authority is not based on subjugating the child and achieving complete control over his or her behavior, but on conveying a clear message: "We respect you! But we cannot accept your actions that harm you or others!"

In this conversation, we will talk with Haim Omer about how to achieve a stable therapeutic alliance with parents, how to help parents overcome isolation and enlist support from the environment, and the essence of parental anchoring. We will try to learn from him about the latest developments in his approach and how it corresponds with other therapeutic theories and models. The conversation will also address the sources of inspiration for his approach, integrative therapy, and the state of psychotherapy in Israel.

Haim Omer is a professor emeritus at the School of Psychological Sciences at Tel Aviv University. He coined key concepts in the field of parenting such as: parental supervision, nonviolent resistance, the new authority, and the role of the parental anchor. His approach is recognized worldwide as NVR (Non-Violent Resistance. Hence the name of his website: www.haimomer-nvr.com . The approach, which is supported by numerous studies, is recognized in many countries and there are dozens of centers around the world that teach it. Among the areas of application of the approach are: child violence, school violence, prevention of risk behaviors (e.g., criminal behavior, dangerous driving, screen addiction), children's anxiety problems, OCD, foster parents, school refusal, children with ADHD, and dysfunctional adult children (what was called "demanding dependency"). His books include: "Brave Parents", "The New Authority", The Fight Against Child Violence", "A World of Temptations", "Children's Fears" (with Eli Leibowitz), "The Devil Among Us" (with Nachi Alon), and "Restoring Parental Authority." His books have been translated into 11 languages.